Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
