Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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