You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
