She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
