my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
