listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
