You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
