all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
