Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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