He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
