oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
