your parents love me but you hate me
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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