I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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