Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
