mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
