apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
