i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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