I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
