Please, let me fuck your mom
You can't special order awesome
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
