i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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