My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Everyone says I win the strip club
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
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