You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
