Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
