I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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