I got chris browned last night
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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