I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
