her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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