you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
