I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
