Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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