I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
