so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
