Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
