I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
