i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
