i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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