i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
