Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
