my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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