someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
We need to get me chipped asap
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
