Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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