My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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