dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
