If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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