At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
