Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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