I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
