Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
