I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
