you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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