I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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