my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
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