one might say we're banned from that church
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
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