so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
