so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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